Thinking of what might
Ending with a sleep of fright.
And so they say
Live a life of gay
Come what may.
Thinking of what might
Ending with a sleep of fright.
And so they say
Live a life of gay
Come what may.
“Some of God’s blessings arrive by shattering everything around”
For some, they would say that holding on, being patient, understanding and loving is the best way to achieve happiness. Letting go of self-dignity and pride would lead to harmony. Happiness should be our lifetime goal.
In life, we find people we can relate with for awhile. But as humans, our selfish tendencies will kick in. We have our own desires. Wants that will not compliment the want of the other. Arguments will arise. We again try to compromise and make things work. And eventually relationships die. Our perfect little homes shattered. We are left bitter and angry. Hateful towards the other. At night we wonder why it has to happen. Why do beautiful stories end? Why do we hurt and get hurt? Why do we say stupid things when we are mad? How can we allow pain be the reason for everything to go to waste? Why when what we only wanted was for them to be happy? Why are we left crying when we tried?
We are constantly embittered by these fall outs because we do not want to accept that happiness has a price if we try to claim it through the acceptance and happiness of others. However, we need to destroy chapters of our lives to find that there is more to life than just hoping and wishing people will understand and appreciate what we do for them. Letting go and sometimes being abrasive towards others are not the best way but may be necessary for us to be forced to continue living our OWN lives.
As social beings we constantly interact with various people of different cultures, background and beliefs. We compromise to maintain peace. Most of the time, we give too much to a point we do not spare anything for ourselves. Self-sacrifice. That is what each and everyone of us was brought up to do. Happiness not for ourselves but for those we hold dear. We destroy our lives to keep those we love. We destroy our dreams to live the dreams of others. But what has it really done for us? For YOU? Like a sponge we absorbed every burden just so we can make another happy. Ask yourself: Am I truly happy? Was the sacrifice worth my self-worth?
We need to remember that everything has an end. The once beautiful beginnings, challenging in between, dramatic climax do come to nothingness. People come and go, and that is a fact of life. Loved ones leave this lonely planet, friends go on separate ways, love dies eventually among lovers. The end is always painful. The change is always unwelcome.
But, the empty pages of our lives do not stop turning even if we decide to waste our time mopping and hoping for the fruit to just fall off the tree. Time does not stop for us. Our individual stories go on.
And yes, we are alone and will always be alone in this journey. The people we meet to love, care for, and even hurt are just lessons to be learned. They will be missed, and when we look back every once in awhile to see how far we’ve gone, it may bring smiles, tears or pangs of regret. Just be thankful it happened.
Pain happens for a reason. Anger was placed by the Almighty for a reason. We may not see it now, but believe that in every emotion a path to your Nirvana opens.
“You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can’t just be your buddy, because as much as I enjoy the concept of being ‘just friends’, in reality it’s a bizarre form of torture and I’m just not willing to participate in it. So right now what I wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore.” – Dawson’s Creek
For years after my college love story, I have put on high walls to avoid getting hurt again. I have partied like there was no tomorrow. Made wonderful friends with the opposite gender without malice. I learned to enjoy new skills for my future.
Lucky for me, I have found guys who were protectors, and never took advantage of me. I was young, bubbly and full of life. My smiles were sincere and laughter was so easy to find. I was just that–a child reared and protected by my peers. Though they have wished for me to get romantically involved, I was having so much fun being with them, I did not have the time to think about love and companionship. They were more than enough to keep the jolly me going.
As the years came and went, we parted ways. I was left to seek the future on my own. I was unafraid. In reality, I was very full of myself–overly confident and sure of what I am capable of accomplishing. I went on like a madwoman, seeking to better myself. Pushing myself to the limits. I have gone from one company to the next, loveless but unconcerned. Alone but not lonely. Believing that if he comes, he will just fall on my lap, because I do not want to risk falling in love just to fall out of it eventually. So ahead I went. I was doing just fine. Enjoying my silent days and serene nights. Loving music all the more. Imagining the books I read in my head. I was content.
Then the unexplained happened. Maybe my age was finally sinking in. I knew I’m about to miss the train. I decided to take the risk.
I have fallen twice in a span of 2-years. Been captivated by words and swept away by the dream of finally finding the RIGHT man, only to realize that they were not willing to risk as much as I did. I have hurt them by stepping on their egos as they say. I was too independent. They asked me to need them, and so I changed for them. But when I did, they felt it was wrong. The years of building my stronghold has been torn down just to please them and win their hearts.
Maybe I did try too hard–I did it all wrong. But despite the fall out, I was still waiting and hopeful because they said I was special and valued. I was their best friend.
Hurting and insulted, I tried to play it their way in the hopes that they will return to their senses and realize I am still the one for them. But the pain did not end. The longing was destroying my being every minute I live. I cried endlessly and begged for them to stay. I apologized profusely just so they would come back. I did possibly all the crazy things that can get a boy out of his wits and eventually avoid the woman he used to love. I became the girl I hated–the martyr and stupid for love.
I became angry and frustrated. Like a volcano, I erupted. All hell went loose. My calm finally defeated. My words and thoughts did not help. I was abusive and rude. I trashed every single emotion I felt. Ruined my name and destroyed any chance for a story of happy ending.
Friend. Best friend. How can one possibly say that to a person he hurt to salvage a broken relationship? How can one say that to someone who risked it all and accepted all defects and insecurities? How can someone say that when he knows the other is hurting and is still very much deeply wounded in love with him? How insensitive and selfish!
Friend. Best friend. You were put high up in a pedestal above everyone else. To consider you as that after all that has been shared is a complete insult!
It is a sadistic pleasure that I can never understand. And now I can truly say, I have learned that we can try to fix broken things but it will remain to have scratches on it that will eventually fall apart.
And so it ends to back to being strangers and staying as strangers.
Only a Wish
1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.
Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car – it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything – only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her – if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT – so just hug her.
24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!
WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.
ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.
35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.
REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.
MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her