I never got to retrieve my blogs from Friendster. So here I am trying to save what is left on Multiply.
|Feels good!||Mar 8, ’09 8:53 AM|
Everybody is tensed.
Feels like our lives depend on it.Then time to pass the papers to the person sitting to your left.
You just know, this is it.
The tension grows more and more.
You hear every single breathe.EXAM NA!!!
|In life||Dec 17, ’09 2:04 AM|
|Painful Reality||Jul 17, ’10 2:58 AM|
Goodbyes are never easy. It takes time getting used to being alone—AGAIN. Painful as it is, the real deal is we’re always going to be alone. We will face challenges on our own. Make honest and painful decisions by ourselves.
Yes, we need others to be our witnesses. We need that special someone to be our companion. We were meant to take things on our own. In the end the choices are done individually. We can never point fingers on others. The choice made as a couple is a choice made individually—you just happen to have compromised. Yet that choice of compromise is still ones personal choice.
I’m not saying this because I am over him. I’m yet being tested by my heart. I know I will want to come back to him, it just that for now, I want to relearn to love myself. I fear the fact that everyday, when I walk in the office, I’ll lower down my head because I won’t see him looking at me smiling and mouthing the words “I love you”. I will no longer get sweet messages calling me “Mahal”. Yet, I started without him. And I just have to face the fact that those will just be memories that I will keep in my heart. Memories that in time will fade away but when remembered will finally bring smiles.
People, no matter how important or insignificant they are, walk in and out of our lives. We just need to enjoy every moment spent with them. So, fear not to be alone. They completed the extra puzzle of our lives one way or the other, but you will always be complete.
|In so very few lines||Jul 19, ’10 12:00 AM|
I intimidate; I hurt
I get hurt
I hurt myself when my emotions are too strong
I am not suicidal
I am a witch and a bitch by choice
I am not that sorry
I stay away when I cannot properly deal with my emotions
I walk out and just don’t talk when I am upset; I tend to say mean things when I am mad
I don’t like to talk about other people; I do not like being talked about
I stay away from people who I know are no good to me
I move silently away from people I used to care for
I like to be left alone and just be in my own little corner
I don’t like being around people; it takes awhile for me to warm up
I do not believe in destiny
I believe in hard work
I play it safe; I play it right
I cry like a child; hurt as if the whole world is against me
I hug my pillow when I feel lonely
I cry in my truck
I drive when I cannot decide properly
I love unconditionally
I know how to fight for the one I love; I will hold on and be stupid
I love as if my world is all about that one special person
I sometimes don’t know when it’s time to move on
I move forward and when I do, there’s no turning back
|Promises||Jul 22, ’10 5:14 AM|
I don’t think I can take another heart break.
For now, I’ll suck it all up.
Eventually, I’ll blow it all away.
|Blind Hope||Aug 24, ’10 12:44 AM|
Everyday is a battle of hope for things to get better. It’s a constant struggle to keep my emotions afloat all negativities. Maybe it simply was just that. Happiness is but a few seconds of painful memory.
During the past few months, I realized that loving someone does not always mean happiness; it can be the most painful feeling one will ever experience.
I tried to deny and fight against the old cliche that “sometimes love just ain’t enough”. For over 10x I have begged for someone to come back and love me because despite the fact that I feel that his love for me has waned, I held on on what he said–that he loves me truly.
Painful words has been exchanged, and more tears have been shed than I could simply imagine. Lies and selfishness won against the true meaning of love.
I am hurting. I am in pain. And I can not let go. Yes, the problem is with me. I just can’t move forward.
I know that baby-sitting one’s emotion is not bad, but enabling another to manipulate and control you is wrong. And unfortunately, I have reached that level. I let down my guard. Allowed myself to break the tall, strong walls I put up for years.
My love is too blind, too strong; I gave up everything for him. I am not angry at him. No, I can not be. I am so in-love with him, more than people say or think I do. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and it is my problem. I cannot change him–I know he never will. Yet here I am. Hoping and wishing for things to work out.
Yes, I have become the martyr, stupid ”girlfriend”. I have inflicted this pain on myself. God! I wish I could just put the blame on him, but I cannot. I’m the one who fell in-love.
I started this dance; and now I have ended it. For how long I will hope and wait for things to work out, or when I move on and get over this situation, I simply do not know. I do not have the will and I know it.
Love complicates things. Everything could have been as simple as a-b-c and 1-2-3. Love is not supposed to hurt, yet this is how I feel. I wish for just a day, I’d be given the opportunity to read his mind so I’d understand.
All I know is that I am missing his warm hugs and kisses.
When will I see you again, Mahal? When will happiness finally find and save me?
|September 2011||Sep 26, ’11 5:25 PM|
|On Hard Work and Defeat||Oct 1, ’11 2:04 AM|
I cannot say I feel different from what Chris Tiu felt after bagging the 4th place during the FIBA. The years/months of diligence to bring home the bacon has come to an unexpected end. One cannot help but wonder what has happened; perplexed by the fact that the wheel of fortune turned against you.
Things were working out great. Work has become more challenging than expected. The wind of love has finally been good. To plan for the future was exciting and promising. Pride sets in with confidence. To expect for better was inevitable.
But expecting comes with a price. The want for control and balance becomes a need to stay idealistic instead of realistic. Desiring for logical and specific answers is the only reasonable response to all questions when in doubt. Constant battle of personal will develop into a tiresome routine. Pretending becomes a constant. Blending in with the norms is a must. However in time, the masks will suffocate and will have to be removed.
Everything just falls out of place. The once joyful and contented spirit becomes lost amidst all that is, in reality, a crystal clear state of affairs. Decisions cannot be made with conviction. Dwelling on the pain and dissatisfaction is all that’s left. Explanations for what was lost are sought but not found. Everything is in chaos. And one ends up sulking in that small nook. To want to feel empty is better than feeling lonely because loneliness eats up every resolve one has. It does not bring harmony.
Regret. What ifs. Should haves. Could haves. All these turn one into a manic depressive state. During this time a Pensieve is helpful–lock out the painful memories because the mind is cluttered.
But maybe, acceptance is the only key. Accepting it is out of your hand. Accepting that it is not yet time. One is humbled for a reason. Learning “You are a good, but it is not your time yet. You must first fine tune and resolve all your divisions and differences,” and anticipating the tougher games/challenges in life is the best way to go. “…Just remember to be the best player that you can be. More importantly, be the best person that you can be. Hold on to those two things and you will be fine.”
Despite the defeat, be brave and continue to survive.
|Lessons I learned from The Little Prince||Jan 29, ’12 5:10 AM|
- “I am looking for friends. What does that mean– ‘tame’?” “It is an act too often neglected,” said the fox. It means to establish ties.”
- “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world. . . ”
- “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
- “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” “Men have forgotten this truth,” said the fox. “But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose. . . ”
- One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed. . .
There are times when we simply feel that we are overburdened yet we continue to try and defend the people up there since we consider them our friends. People we should respect as they got the position for a reason. However, we have our limits and it naturally causes us to breakdown.
We attempt to leave and just get on with our lives. Find the greener pastures. Yet we hold back thinking that things CAN still change.
So how do we know if it is time to leave because of our superiors? Here are some tips I received in my email from Marc Cenedella
1. When he blames you for his failures - is he Shouldering the blame and healing wounds?
2. When he’s focused on his own success — to your detriment - When the boss’ success — his job, his awards, his glory — come first, second and third, you need to realize that he’s decided where his interests lie…
3. When he’s got no new ideas - You’ve tried to get him to see the light, but he’s stuck doing the same old things. And they’re still not working.
If he’s in a rut, a rut, a rut, a rut, a rut — you get the idea — that means that your career trajectory is stuck right behind his.
4. When things aren’t getting better - is when things haven’t improved, despite his promises. The big accounts aren’t coming through, the new products fizzle, the big hires that he trumpets end up being Jokers, not Aces in the hole.
5. When he’s lost the confidence of others - a few years of missed budgets, too many quarters of failed promises, too many weekly staff meetings that depressed rather than inspired you, it might be time to look around and realize that your boss has lost the confidence of others beside you.
If his peers are turning on him, his team members have lost the faith, and customers feel they just can’t rely on him anymore, it’s time for you to quit being a suffering martyr to the cause.
Sometimes it is no longer healthy or productive, rather everyday becomes counter productive. Maybe it is time to finally fire your boss.
Someday, somebody is going to solve that complex problem.
Someday, somebody is going to take compassionate action on that important social issue.
Someday, somebody is going to do work that they are truly passionate about.
Someday, somebody is going to inspire everyone around them.
Someday, somebody is going to develop their skills to elite levels.
I recently found a story about an unemployed man who applied for a janitor's position at Microsoft quite a few years ago.
He was interviewed by HR and successfully passed all of the pre-requisite tests.
He was then asked for an email address so that the employment package could be sent through.
The man panicked and confessed to the HR Manager that he didn't have an email address.
2012, a year of complete breakdown, a run of ups and downs. Over the past few months, lessons were learned but still so much to learn and apply.
Life’s lesson 82: You know there is something when there is this chemistry/connection everytime you kiss.
Life’s lesson 81: Not being like the rest makes you the best.
Life’s lesson 80: Less talk, less mistakes. More actions, more accomplishments.
Life’s lesson 79: No matter how many training you attend or courses you finish, if you can’t apply them, they are rendered useless.
Life’s lesson 78: Sometimes you have to look away from the uniform and association to make things right regardless of the pain.
Life’s lesson 77: That even when you are in the darkness you can step into the light.
Life’s lesson 76: When doors of opportunity open you need not get in all the time.
Life’s lesson 75: One must not fail in forgiving oneself to be able to forgive others.
Life’s lesson 74: You don’t have to tell everyone you are strong. Just know that you are.
Life’s lesson 73: The world is unfair, and in its unfairness you can become stronger. This too shall pass
Life’s lesson 72: Position does not show how much you have matured, it is how you act when you have a position that defines you.
Life’s lesson 71: To be happy, learn to forgive yourself. Then celebrate life as guilt-free as you can.
Life’s lesson 70: It is
#ironic when unsolicited advises are given by the person who actually needs it.
Life’s lesson 69: You don’t have to be glad for the good things that happen to others. But you don’t need to rain on their parades either.
Life’s lesson 68: No one is perfect, but man was given the freedom to decide on what is right, not just what is good.
Life’s lesson 67: To fail is envitable. That’s when we learn but don’t fail too long.
Life’s lesson 66: When all else fails, have a cup of your favorite concoction, may it be coffee or tea.
Life’s lesson 65: If you feel like crying, cry. Don’t stop the tears from falling.
Life’s lesson 64: Drastic change is painful especially when your car is not running.
Life’s lesson 63: I am not perfect. And so are you.
Life’s lesson 62: There is no end to what you can do.
Life’s lesson 61: Work as if you do not need money. Spend like you do not have any.
Life’s lesson 60: When faced with decisions about what we want and what has to be done, we will always lose someone we care about.
Life’s lesson 59: If he makes excuses about you meeting his parents,
#ditch the bastard. You are wasting your time.
Life’s lesson 58: Not because you can get away with the wrongs you do it means your smart.
Life’s lesson 57: Failure remains to be a failure of you refuse to stand up, hold your head up high, and apply what you learned.
Life’s lesson 56: Don’t use so-called diligence bec politics, power trippin’ & poor leadership spells disastrous & mediocre outcomes.
Life’s lesson 55: “Life is about making mistakes; and that makes you wishing you’ve done a whole lot more.” -The Bounty Hunter
Life’s lesson 54: If you are not afraid and understands the consequences of your actions, then you are truly blessed.
Life’s lesson 53: I am stuck up, crazy bitch
Life’s lesson 52: Find courage in adversity and pain.
Life’s lesson 49: I’ve allowed the skies to rain on my parade for so long. Now I carry an umbrella.
Life’a lesson 48: “Expecting is my favorite crime and disappointment is my greatest punishment”
Life’s lesson 47: We are all alone in our own little heads.
Life’s lesson 46: A woman married to her job rarely find a man who supports her. Women devoted to their men scares men away. Stay SINGLE
Life’s lesson 45: A guy who’d rather be bitchin’ than changing his kids’ diapers is an irresponsible prick claiming he’d no choice.
Life’s lesson 44: stop the “taking all the credit and passing all the blame” attitude.
Life’s lesson 43: Do as many crazy things you can while you’re young but be careful. Enjoy your childhood to be a responsible adult.
Life’s lesson 42: We all wanna be heroes for the broken, but it is never good to try fixin’ ‘em.
Life’s lesson 41: Anger, no matter how natural it is, when kept alive, perverts the soul.
Life’s lesson 40: Choose the right people to talk to, and the right people for the job.
Life’s lesson 39: success these days is measured by Popularity; no longer by Merit through Diligence.
Life’s lesson 38: There is a thin line between a movie critic and a spoiler.
Life’s lesson 37: Think outside the box. You’ll be effective that way.
Life’s lesson 36: Being nice does not make you a leader. It makes you a mediocre.
Life’s lesson 35: I’d rather be thought crazy bec of my virtue than be loved by following the mob.
Life’s lesson 34: “So, what now?” – one of the most difficult question to answer if you decide due to emotions
Life’s lesson 34: overheard during 1 dinner – if u intend 2 cheat consider 3 things – time, money and health
Life’s lesson 33: Believe in your gut. It knows more than your emotion.
Life’s lesson 32: I am not perfect but I am more than enough – chanting this w/o proper action, people will mock you
Life’s lesson 31: stay in the pool to avoid getting drunk
Life’s lesson 30: If you’re always playing the underdog card to get your way up, you’ll end up stuck where you’re at.
Life’s lesson 29: No, they do not change.
Life’s lesson 28: Beautiful & blessed is an individual who does not destroy friendship to gain the interest of a friend’s partner.
Life’s lesson 27: being smart is an asset. Being a smart-ass is annoying. “Hello?!?”
Life’s lesson 26: use the handset/headset when on the phone.
Life’s lesson 25: Trying is not doing the same thing over and over and wondering why the results do not change.
Life’s lesson 24: Starting over is good only if you do not make the same mistake.
Life’s lesson 23: No matter what they say, be the best that you can be. Mediocrity will take its toll one way or another.
Life’s lesson 22: Walk on through every storm allowing every drop to engulf you because it will eventually pass and the flowers will grow.
Life’s lesson 21: This is a world of “things” not humanity. User-friendly people compose 80% of the population…
Life’s lesson 20: Control you spending and eating habits, you’ll be richer.
Life’s lesson 19: Being drunk can win you the best cousin award!
Life’s lesson 18: Listen instead of just getting upset.
Life’s lesson 17: Live a crazy and honest life, and grow in strength by turning opportunities to gold!
Life’s lesson 16: 5P’s – Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance
Life’s lesson 15: Looking back allows you to realize your mistakes to course-correct and get on the right path.
Life’s lesson 14: Always take a nap before hitting the city traffic. It is safer.
Life’s lesson 13: Be BETTER than yesterday.
Life’s lesson 12: In the end, you find unconditional love in your home. Love your parents and siblings.
Life’s lesson 11: Live a life of confidence and applying lessons.
Life’s lesson 10: Value your people and take care of those who provide added value to your group. Keep them motivated.
Life’s lesson 9: They say you’re full of yourself? Better than undervaluing yourself by being with people who think that way about you.
Life’s lesson 8: Originality is Creativity at its BEST.
Life’s lesson 7: Common sense is expensive due to high demand and low supply. Result? STUPID infested society.
Life’s lesson 6: Even the best of friendships cannot survive the attack of a SLUT.
Life’s lesson 5: Do not trust weak people. They almost always feel entitled and justified when they do something wrong.
Life’s lesson 4: Trust is most essential in relationships.
Life’s lesson 3: You are unique-just like everyone else.
Life’s lesson 2: Nothing is ever enough as long as one lives. Wanting ends in death.
Life’s lesson 1: Avoid working with cutthroat bitches.